Thursday 9 May 2013

Sleep baby sleep ... pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease?

With baby one we did this at 4.5 months and with baby 2 at 5 months.  Some call it 'controlled crying' but I think that sounds all a bit emotive - I prefer to refer to it at 'helping them sooth'.  But yeah, okay - you are essentially allowing your baby to cry without rushing in every 60 seconds (if you can even last that long!) ...

I remember with my first sitting in the cafe with all the other new mums after a baby yoga session (yeah, they exist, but don't worry, no one's expecting your little one to get into the lotus position in week one) and listening to all these mums with babies a few weeks or months older than mine talking about how they sit and rock their little ones to sleep in the rocking chair.  And how they still have to go in one, two or three times a night.  I was mortified - I couldn't keep doing this for months on end - no way!  One mum mentioned the dreaded 'controlled crying' and I was so curious as to how she knew when to try it.  She said 'you just know'.  And I have to say, that was the best bit of advice ever.  With anything - when should I drop a bottle?  You'll know.  When should I drop the dummy?  You'll know.  If you don't know it means you/baby isn't ready yet (hence waiting until 5 months with second to do this - oh and the fact a friend was staying over just before baby turned 5 months and we didn't want a crying baby keeping her awake - see, we're quite nice people really!) ...

So, for me, this is a bloody great time to stop the dummy and start with 'helping them sooth'.  It's really emotionally hard so make sure hubby (or whoever) is onside and prepared to be on the end of the phone or there to take over if you're having a wobble. And wobbles definitely creep in every so often.  But one thing I will say is - you'll be pleasantly surprised how great baby is at this.  Another great thing about this time is that you're in a routine now, you may have started weaning (more on this another time) and you can read your baby a little better.  So all in all you know baby is good and fine to go through the night without a million feeds an hour.

Start with an evening - you know baby's exhausted and you know baby will go to sleep (eventually!) ... so, pick your night and off you go - do usual bedtime routine and put baby down with no dummy and leave the room.  Now is a great time to tidy up a few bits upstairs.  Just 2 minutes worth of tidying but believe me 2 minutes is more than usually gets done, so it's a bonus.  Is baby crying?  Or coo-ing?  Or quiet?  Next step - if baby is crying, quietly go in (not like my other half who 'quietly' wacks the door open, suddenly flooding the room with light and noise!), hand on chest and 'shhh shhh' baby, reassure you're still there and walk back out again.  Now find a very handy, neccessary job that will take 5 minutes (make a cup of tea downstairs?).  Was baby coo-ing?  Lovely - leave be.  Quiet?  Leave be.  If coo-ing or quiet baby starts crying, start that 2 minute job and give them 2 minutes to sort themselves out.  So now we're up to the 5 minute wait.  We tend to put some quiet lullaby music (that the monitor plays) on for this going to sleep period - a great consistent signifier that it's sleep time. 

After 5 minutes have a listen.  Baby still crying?  Go back and repeat the soothing by placing hand on chest and leave.  Now give it ten.  Then 20.  Then 40.  With baby number 1 we never went past the 10 minute gap - always settled himself within that period.  With baby number 2 it tended to stetch into the 20 minute gap (although rarely, usually within the 10 minute one). 

Be prepared for one or two difficult nights/day nap settling periods but then that's it.  Baby can settle herself.  Sometimes it can take longer than one or two difficult periods - one day (when I started this with my second) I called said-hubby at work as was having a total shocker - she'd not settled for 30 minutes, but he reminded me to stay strong and although that day was hard, the next day was a totally different experience (in a good way!) ... AND, the best thing about this all - if you're worried you're not doing the right thing, when you go in to get baby up for their next feed time, the smiles and gorgeous excitment from a well slept baby that great you (once awake) is fantastic.  A reminder they still love you and a reminder you are trying to help them get the much needed sleep they need.  It's totally worth it!!

Good luck!  And before you ask, yes, this can work with older babies too (although the length of getting them to settle may take a little longer).  Oh, and one final thing - baby doesn't scream and cry and holler for the whole time (as people may like you believe) - there may be a scream/crying patch for a minute or two but that settles and they coo more than you realise when trying to self sooth.

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