I remember when baby no 1 started to stay awake a little more and more during the day time. I had no bloody idea what to do with him! How can you entertain a child who doesn't understand you, doesn't particuarly respond and can't do, hold or say anything??! ... What classes as 'entertainment' to them?? This may be quite obvious to you natural mums out there who can't understand this even being an issue - but believe me, for those of us who aren't maybe the most naturally 'in tune' with babies, what the fuck do we do with them??
I have to say, that even though I'd experienced and become more of a 'natural mum' by the time I had my second, I still was a little at a loss with no 2 - don't get me wrong, I love my gorgeous babies, I just think so practically about everything that some things can be over thought (a friend has tagged this as 'OT'ing something' - over thinking it). Oh yes, I totally OT everything!
So, for those in a similar position here are my suggestions - up until around 3 weeks they really don't do much so something as simple as changing a nappy can suffice. And a baby bouncy chair can also be a good stop gap between sleeps (but without meaning to sound preachy - just be careful it has a head support/sits quite far back as their heads a v floppy still). So what to do with a 3 week old?? Well, I found that a play mat/baby gym did nothing yet so you could walk round singing a few songs (with my first I hadn't got back into the whole nursery rhyme thing yet and didn't know many, so just sang football songs to him! - Admittedly not the best language but fortunately he hasn't been damaged by any of this, e.g. my old man said be an arsenal fan, I said **** *** ******** you're a *** - I'd like to think it's more about the sound that the words!)
Changing their clothes or holding a book in front of them is also a good one at this age (preferably one of those black and white picture ones - they can vaguely see the shapes in those).
Finally at around 7/8 weeks they can start to hold things so maybe soft rattles or material books are good options here. And also the babygym starts to come into it's own. From now on have tended to start a circuit for mine - as attention spans can be quite limiting, maybe 10 mins on the mat, 10 mins in the bouncy chair, 10 mins on my lap with a toy etc etc - having that control and knowing a litle of what I'm doing really helped me anyways ... It's also nice that they still go to sleep when you travel somewhere - so you could have awake time at home for half an hour after a bottle and then get them packed up in the car seat to then go and do some jobs out and about whilst they sleep. Means they've had their proper awake time.
As they get a litlte bigger (around 18 weeks) their necks are stronger and you can think about a door bouncer or one of those baby einstein things - just so their toes touch the floor (they shouldn't put proper weight on their legs yet). So this can take up another 10 minutes of awake time - honestly, all these little circuit stops really helped me - I had a right panic recently when I was going away for a few days and we couldn't fit the circuit training equipment in the car. Obviously I realised that I was mental and didn't need everything with us for those days (after the event) but it didn't occur to me before we went ... you'd have thought I'd have learnt second time round - but I made sure I had enough other small toys and books to keep no 2 amused and all was okay! Phew!
Monday 20 May 2013
Friday 17 May 2013
Second time round, first time dad
There seems to be a phenomena that people don't tell you about until AFTER the event - one of those things I wish I knew about so I could look out for it and be aware. And I realised after telling another friend about it (after the event) that I had fallen into the trap of passing on the info too late too! So I thought I'd write this entry now in hope you'll read BEFORE the event and you'll be more prepared than I was ...
What is this phenomena I talk about? However wonderful and involved and great hubby/partner is first time round, something goes aray second time round and it just isn't the same ... in fact, there's a noticeable problem in the first few weeks whereby hubby/partner doesn't do anything. And by this I mean, literally anything! The only people I know (and there's quite a few) who have second children already have all experienced this. Hubby struggles to make it to the post box without a million reminders, forgets to feed first child when asked and has a total meltdown if a little washing is requested. I am not a psychiatrist, but through talking with friends and family, it seems to be linked to them feeling a bit lost and a little left out of things. They see you having to get on with the day, feeding, changing etc new baby, and dealing with first child. And they just feel a bit out of it all. I know that for a number of second-time-round-new-dads they certainly didn't bond with new baby as quickly as they did with no1 and this worried them. It drove me mad when after 2 weeks said-hubby was annoyed baby no 2 wasn't settling in the evenings and wondered 'what was wrong with her' - there is a definite issue of 'rose tinted glasses' second time round.
BUT, I have to say, if you can recognise it and address it, things can get sorted pretty quickly. You know the old adage of communication is the key - it definitely is in this situation!
I got really pissed off when we were thinking about no 2 and hubs spoke to a couple of mates (who shall remain nameless!) who said that they regretted having a second. It put a right spanner in the works for a bit until we decided we'd make it work better than these blokes had - but maybe these guys are still in the 'feeling left out' and 'feeling a bit lost' stages - they haven't found their way out of this yet.
So, my advice would be not to address it too quickly (as husband may be too defensive if you act all knowledgeable about his 'issues'!!) but softly mention through week 2 (if you see there's a bit of a problem) and by week 3 definitely address with a harsher worded conversation. They need to buck up, put up and get sorted - you've had to, so they bloody should too!!
I have to say, things have been awesome since - definitely worth bearing in mind!
What is this phenomena I talk about? However wonderful and involved and great hubby/partner is first time round, something goes aray second time round and it just isn't the same ... in fact, there's a noticeable problem in the first few weeks whereby hubby/partner doesn't do anything. And by this I mean, literally anything! The only people I know (and there's quite a few) who have second children already have all experienced this. Hubby struggles to make it to the post box without a million reminders, forgets to feed first child when asked and has a total meltdown if a little washing is requested. I am not a psychiatrist, but through talking with friends and family, it seems to be linked to them feeling a bit lost and a little left out of things. They see you having to get on with the day, feeding, changing etc new baby, and dealing with first child. And they just feel a bit out of it all. I know that for a number of second-time-round-new-dads they certainly didn't bond with new baby as quickly as they did with no1 and this worried them. It drove me mad when after 2 weeks said-hubby was annoyed baby no 2 wasn't settling in the evenings and wondered 'what was wrong with her' - there is a definite issue of 'rose tinted glasses' second time round.
BUT, I have to say, if you can recognise it and address it, things can get sorted pretty quickly. You know the old adage of communication is the key - it definitely is in this situation!
I got really pissed off when we were thinking about no 2 and hubs spoke to a couple of mates (who shall remain nameless!) who said that they regretted having a second. It put a right spanner in the works for a bit until we decided we'd make it work better than these blokes had - but maybe these guys are still in the 'feeling left out' and 'feeling a bit lost' stages - they haven't found their way out of this yet.
So, my advice would be not to address it too quickly (as husband may be too defensive if you act all knowledgeable about his 'issues'!!) but softly mention through week 2 (if you see there's a bit of a problem) and by week 3 definitely address with a harsher worded conversation. They need to buck up, put up and get sorted - you've had to, so they bloody should too!!
I have to say, things have been awesome since - definitely worth bearing in mind!
Thursday 16 May 2013
More foody bits and a spreadsheet or two
One other obvious thing for the shopping list for weaning are small plastic spoons - get minimum of 5 to save you having to wash up constantly. Oh, and bibs - you'll appreciate the bibs even more now.
I have a friend who hates mess and spoon fed her child until they were about 20 months just to try and keep her kitchen clean from child-eating-mess! But interestingly they kinda start to get the idea of putting the spoon to their mouths very early (around 6 months) and could be feeding themselves with a spoon (and a lot of help) by around 12 months. Very sweet to watch - but be patient with the mess!
Sitting up is now becoming a lovely thing they can do - means they get less frustrated as they can now sit up and watch/see what's going on. We were on a long train journey recently and a woman was commenting on how well behaved and lovely no 2 was being (no 1 wasn't there). She said how it was lovely how much she was playing with her toys and was surprised to see how many I'd bought with. She commented on how organised I was (ha, if only she knew!!) ... Remember one of my mantras - organisation is the key!! Shall we have a little practice? Organisation, organisation, organisation ... well done! I had to keep no 2 amused and vaguely quiet on a 2 hour train journey - no easy feat considering she doesn't sleep her full 2 hour sleeps when we're out and about. So she'd be tired and moany and on a train with ... da da da, OTHER PEOPLE! ... Normally my idea of hell - I would definitely be one of the eye-rollers seeing me walking onto the carriage with babe in tow, so I know how the others would feel (yes, even with two children under my belt, I'm really not an 'other people's children-person ... I can't coo and smile and think they're adorable when they're not my own). So, I made sure I was prepared. In just a small paper bag I took with whatever (quiet) toys I could fit in (that would fit under the buggy) - so four small books, a couple of cuddly toys and a soft rattle. I also had a rusk for a snack in case needed (it was) and a spare muslin for her to sit on so she didn't make the train seat all mucky. It worked a treat - she had about 30 mins sleep each way and stayed happy, quiet (but with lovely gurgling and coo-ing) and contented the whole time. Hooray!!
Rusks are a great finger food for them as they're solid and hard but go really quite soggy as soon as they put them in their mouth - so they're easy for them to break down and eat.
So you need to think about your expectations of said-child for whatever you're about to do with them. They're not going to find it much fun whilst you sit and read the paper with no entertainment. Remember they're attention span is generally about as bit as a gnat's whatsit, so you need a few ideas in mind for them. If going out to a restaurant at this age, they're not newborns anymore who'll just sleep and feed - they need to be kept amused and entertained (I don't mean you have to walk round them and can't sit and eat - I mean just bring things for them too). So if you want to eat lunch, bring a yogurt or a rusk or toys and let them sit in the highchair next to you. But also you can't expect them to sit there amused for a two hour lunch - so maybe have one of you walk around and show them things around the restaurant until your food is ready - then you can all sit and eat together. Then maybe the other can take them for a little potter, ready to come back and sit together for dessert - or whatever. My point being - expectations - don't have false ones and then get upset/angry/frustrated when they don't play along!
Oo, that's been a bit of a lecture right there - sorry all! Will lighten the mood for tomorrow.
I have a friend who hates mess and spoon fed her child until they were about 20 months just to try and keep her kitchen clean from child-eating-mess! But interestingly they kinda start to get the idea of putting the spoon to their mouths very early (around 6 months) and could be feeding themselves with a spoon (and a lot of help) by around 12 months. Very sweet to watch - but be patient with the mess!
Sitting up is now becoming a lovely thing they can do - means they get less frustrated as they can now sit up and watch/see what's going on. We were on a long train journey recently and a woman was commenting on how well behaved and lovely no 2 was being (no 1 wasn't there). She said how it was lovely how much she was playing with her toys and was surprised to see how many I'd bought with. She commented on how organised I was (ha, if only she knew!!) ... Remember one of my mantras - organisation is the key!! Shall we have a little practice? Organisation, organisation, organisation ... well done! I had to keep no 2 amused and vaguely quiet on a 2 hour train journey - no easy feat considering she doesn't sleep her full 2 hour sleeps when we're out and about. So she'd be tired and moany and on a train with ... da da da, OTHER PEOPLE! ... Normally my idea of hell - I would definitely be one of the eye-rollers seeing me walking onto the carriage with babe in tow, so I know how the others would feel (yes, even with two children under my belt, I'm really not an 'other people's children-person ... I can't coo and smile and think they're adorable when they're not my own). So, I made sure I was prepared. In just a small paper bag I took with whatever (quiet) toys I could fit in (that would fit under the buggy) - so four small books, a couple of cuddly toys and a soft rattle. I also had a rusk for a snack in case needed (it was) and a spare muslin for her to sit on so she didn't make the train seat all mucky. It worked a treat - she had about 30 mins sleep each way and stayed happy, quiet (but with lovely gurgling and coo-ing) and contented the whole time. Hooray!!
Rusks are a great finger food for them as they're solid and hard but go really quite soggy as soon as they put them in their mouth - so they're easy for them to break down and eat.
So you need to think about your expectations of said-child for whatever you're about to do with them. They're not going to find it much fun whilst you sit and read the paper with no entertainment. Remember they're attention span is generally about as bit as a gnat's whatsit, so you need a few ideas in mind for them. If going out to a restaurant at this age, they're not newborns anymore who'll just sleep and feed - they need to be kept amused and entertained (I don't mean you have to walk round them and can't sit and eat - I mean just bring things for them too). So if you want to eat lunch, bring a yogurt or a rusk or toys and let them sit in the highchair next to you. But also you can't expect them to sit there amused for a two hour lunch - so maybe have one of you walk around and show them things around the restaurant until your food is ready - then you can all sit and eat together. Then maybe the other can take them for a little potter, ready to come back and sit together for dessert - or whatever. My point being - expectations - don't have false ones and then get upset/angry/frustrated when they don't play along!
Oo, that's been a bit of a lecture right there - sorry all! Will lighten the mood for tomorrow.
Wednesday 15 May 2013
I did it! Now onto food ...
I took my own advice and have had a couple of days break (albeit with one baby in tow) but I tell you something, it certainly helps to rejuvinate!
So, where am I up to? Oh, the weaning bit - this is seriously my favourite bit of new babies - honestly, the organisation gets me very excited!! Things you need? Ummm, a good book with some ideas for receipes (I'm a huge Annabel Karmel fan), a local shop and a soup 'joojzer' or whatever they're called - you know, one of those soup blender things you put in the saucepan and 'joojz' your soup, an ice cube tray, small freezer bags and some small freezer friendly pots! Don't worry about all those moulis, special weaning blenders or such like - waste of money! Oh, and a pen and notepad if you want to be really anal about it all ... (I went as far as a spreadsheet but don't expect others to - as you can tell, I was totally ready to get back to work and used this to channel my brain instead!) ...
Start small and simple with apples, pears and sweet potato - cook (don't want to plagerise Annabel, but I assume it's the same anywhere - steam the sweet potato or cook the apple/pears by peeling, chopping and putting a tiny bit of water over them, then joojz). Spoon into your ice cube trays and put in freezer. The next morning, once frozen, tip each fruit/veg into seperate bags and label up. Then you have a heap of apple, pear and sweet pot to see you through the next week. Takes about half an hour to do all this from peeling to getting into the freezer. Piece of piss - I promise you!
We started weaning no 1 at 4 months and 1 week (he was seriously huge and starving all the time - felt wrong waiting any longer) and no 2 at 5 months bang on. Both showed signs of being ready to wean - staring at us eating (like seriously staring - made us all feel a bit uneasy!), grabbing at spoons/food and finishing bottles but could have more. Another sign is starting to wake at night for feeds again - first did this but second didn't.
I reckon a good place to start is baby porridge - try 2 teaspoons of porridge (mixed with boiled water) first. If a success, repeat for 2 more days (I'd do this at the 11am feed - give a third of the bottle to take the edge of the hunger, try porridge then rest of the bottle). After 3 days move onto apple, then pear then sweet potato. Oh, maybe I should have said at the start - I'm not much of a 'baby-led weaning' person - why toture your hungry child with holding but not actually eating food??! How much nutrition are they seriously going to get from sucking on a stick of pepper??? Although I do like the notion of pureed food followed by some food-holding-practice - so maybe baby-lead your munchkin to food after you've staved off their hunger!
Right, more on this tomorrow ...
So, where am I up to? Oh, the weaning bit - this is seriously my favourite bit of new babies - honestly, the organisation gets me very excited!! Things you need? Ummm, a good book with some ideas for receipes (I'm a huge Annabel Karmel fan), a local shop and a soup 'joojzer' or whatever they're called - you know, one of those soup blender things you put in the saucepan and 'joojz' your soup, an ice cube tray, small freezer bags and some small freezer friendly pots! Don't worry about all those moulis, special weaning blenders or such like - waste of money! Oh, and a pen and notepad if you want to be really anal about it all ... (I went as far as a spreadsheet but don't expect others to - as you can tell, I was totally ready to get back to work and used this to channel my brain instead!) ...
Start small and simple with apples, pears and sweet potato - cook (don't want to plagerise Annabel, but I assume it's the same anywhere - steam the sweet potato or cook the apple/pears by peeling, chopping and putting a tiny bit of water over them, then joojz). Spoon into your ice cube trays and put in freezer. The next morning, once frozen, tip each fruit/veg into seperate bags and label up. Then you have a heap of apple, pear and sweet pot to see you through the next week. Takes about half an hour to do all this from peeling to getting into the freezer. Piece of piss - I promise you!
We started weaning no 1 at 4 months and 1 week (he was seriously huge and starving all the time - felt wrong waiting any longer) and no 2 at 5 months bang on. Both showed signs of being ready to wean - staring at us eating (like seriously staring - made us all feel a bit uneasy!), grabbing at spoons/food and finishing bottles but could have more. Another sign is starting to wake at night for feeds again - first did this but second didn't.
I reckon a good place to start is baby porridge - try 2 teaspoons of porridge (mixed with boiled water) first. If a success, repeat for 2 more days (I'd do this at the 11am feed - give a third of the bottle to take the edge of the hunger, try porridge then rest of the bottle). After 3 days move onto apple, then pear then sweet potato. Oh, maybe I should have said at the start - I'm not much of a 'baby-led weaning' person - why toture your hungry child with holding but not actually eating food??! How much nutrition are they seriously going to get from sucking on a stick of pepper??? Although I do like the notion of pureed food followed by some food-holding-practice - so maybe baby-lead your munchkin to food after you've staved off their hunger!
Right, more on this tomorrow ...
Monday 13 May 2013
Back at the start (part 4 - don't rush!)
I was going back through my diary/notes from when baby no 1 was born and it reminded me of a couple of other sparks of wisdom (or just annoying advice) to mention.
It's so easy (esp with baby no 1) to rush things when baby is crying. You feel terrible that something you're doing is making baby upset so you rush putting them down to sleep, or rush getting out to the house to try and settle them, or rush the nappy change without remembering all your stop checks for why baby may be crying. Well, I know I did anyway. We used to have a nappy-changing-station set up. Okay, might sound a little control-freaky but this was seriously the only way to remember everything and get baby cleaned up in the shortest possible time. Hubby and I would have many an argument which started with 'you didn't set up the change station you ****' or somesuch, I can't quite remember (!) ... But unless the wipes were open, the nappy laid out and a change of babygrow on standby, I found the whole thing quite stressful.
But one night in particular stands out at 1 week old when said-child was being put down, I totally rushed it all, forgot to change his nappy and totally forgot to even feed him from my other boob - so all in all he went down for a sleep wet and hungry - a wonderul success in parenting I think. Or not. Needless to say he was awake half an hour later crying again with me in tears wondering what on earth I'd done wrong! Okay, maybe that was a little emotive, but for crying out loud, I was knackered (not literally I might add - it'd only been a week!), stressed and was searching for some much needed control! So just remember the check list when baby is crying - hungry? Wet? Temperature? Tired? I wish there was some wonderful acronym I could come up with for that to make it more memorable ... Ummmm, am missing a vowel to help myself out here - any suggestions?!
Also, if you're anything like me, I try to just feed at night and not change nappies constantly (that will wake baby up more). So even though I'm a regular nappy-changer in the daytime, baby can go up to 11-12 hours with no nappy change (if no poo) through the night. Well, sometimes you may find baby is sopping wet come morning. So one of two things could help with this - either choose a feedtime in the night to change nappy before you feed (may result in some prolonged crying at the start, but means it'll be easier to put baby down afterwards) or try the next size up nappy just for nights - e.g. if using newborn, try no 2 for a couple of nights to see if that helps.
And finally for today, I thought I'd share a diary note from day 15 - I have simply written 'need to be calmer when out away from home' - hahaha - I was in the pub (don't judge - it was a trendy gastro pub and I was drinking de caf tea - I promise!) and had no idea what to do with baby when he woke up from his sleep 20 minutes earlier than expected. Honestly, these are the big stresses with baby no 1 when trying out routines - I think it was after this that I vowed to leave Gina behind and start my own schedule!
It's so easy (esp with baby no 1) to rush things when baby is crying. You feel terrible that something you're doing is making baby upset so you rush putting them down to sleep, or rush getting out to the house to try and settle them, or rush the nappy change without remembering all your stop checks for why baby may be crying. Well, I know I did anyway. We used to have a nappy-changing-station set up. Okay, might sound a little control-freaky but this was seriously the only way to remember everything and get baby cleaned up in the shortest possible time. Hubby and I would have many an argument which started with 'you didn't set up the change station you ****' or somesuch, I can't quite remember (!) ... But unless the wipes were open, the nappy laid out and a change of babygrow on standby, I found the whole thing quite stressful.
But one night in particular stands out at 1 week old when said-child was being put down, I totally rushed it all, forgot to change his nappy and totally forgot to even feed him from my other boob - so all in all he went down for a sleep wet and hungry - a wonderul success in parenting I think. Or not. Needless to say he was awake half an hour later crying again with me in tears wondering what on earth I'd done wrong! Okay, maybe that was a little emotive, but for crying out loud, I was knackered (not literally I might add - it'd only been a week!), stressed and was searching for some much needed control! So just remember the check list when baby is crying - hungry? Wet? Temperature? Tired? I wish there was some wonderful acronym I could come up with for that to make it more memorable ... Ummmm, am missing a vowel to help myself out here - any suggestions?!
Also, if you're anything like me, I try to just feed at night and not change nappies constantly (that will wake baby up more). So even though I'm a regular nappy-changer in the daytime, baby can go up to 11-12 hours with no nappy change (if no poo) through the night. Well, sometimes you may find baby is sopping wet come morning. So one of two things could help with this - either choose a feedtime in the night to change nappy before you feed (may result in some prolonged crying at the start, but means it'll be easier to put baby down afterwards) or try the next size up nappy just for nights - e.g. if using newborn, try no 2 for a couple of nights to see if that helps.
And finally for today, I thought I'd share a diary note from day 15 - I have simply written 'need to be calmer when out away from home' - hahaha - I was in the pub (don't judge - it was a trendy gastro pub and I was drinking de caf tea - I promise!) and had no idea what to do with baby when he woke up from his sleep 20 minutes earlier than expected. Honestly, these are the big stresses with baby no 1 when trying out routines - I think it was after this that I vowed to leave Gina behind and start my own schedule!
Friday 10 May 2013
I hate my cherub!!
Okay, hate may be a strong word - dislike immensly today? Not a big fan of at the moment? How about 'doing my head in right now' instead - that sound better?!?
Maybe not, but that's how I feel occasionally - more so as they get older, into the toddler years - at the under 12 months stage they're still rather cute. It's amazing watching their little personalities come through but it can also be quite testing. But you're not alone if you've come home from a day trip out, dying from embarassment as your little one had such a tantrum you're sure you saw their head spin at least once. Or you're out in the park and trying to walk a little ahead of your stropping child in hope the public might think they belong to someone else ...! The point is that many mums/dads/etc feel like this so just down the guilt in a LARGE glass of wine that night after bedtime and wait for the morning. When devil child will awaken as your little angel again.
But this blog is a bit of a timeline, so we're kinda nearer to 4/5 months old now rather than 2/3 years - so maybe you won't have experienced this yet. Have you got to the 'I NEED A NIGHT OFF' phase yet? If your other half is anything like mine, he'll have magically conjured up a situtation that has allowed for him to stay out/stay at home when you stay out with the kids or something - i.e. he's already had this mysterical, exciting experience. But not you ... Well, this is your time to go for it. Baby doesn't need feeding in the night (or shouldn't - aim for this now or try warm water in a bottle instead of milk - which said-husband can do without you anyway) so you really have no excuse!
You may be a really strange one (like someone I know) and not actually want to have time to yourself (really, REALLY?? - Are you mad, weird, or lying about that???) but on the assumption that you'd slowly saw your right arm off with a rusty knife just to experience this, go for it! If it'd make you feel better, just arrange a local night out but stay at a mate's house (just to allow you that feeling of switching off at night time) so you can get home if you need to. But really, honestly - go for it - it's so utterly important as a bit of a energy/personality reviver at this time. I highly recommend it!!
Then you can come back, refreshed, and ready to face the next few months - and by now it definitely gets easier - you get more sleep, baby does more things and actually interacts (I love that bit) and life can get back on track, albeit with a new (baby led) twist.
Maybe not, but that's how I feel occasionally - more so as they get older, into the toddler years - at the under 12 months stage they're still rather cute. It's amazing watching their little personalities come through but it can also be quite testing. But you're not alone if you've come home from a day trip out, dying from embarassment as your little one had such a tantrum you're sure you saw their head spin at least once. Or you're out in the park and trying to walk a little ahead of your stropping child in hope the public might think they belong to someone else ...! The point is that many mums/dads/etc feel like this so just down the guilt in a LARGE glass of wine that night after bedtime and wait for the morning. When devil child will awaken as your little angel again.
But this blog is a bit of a timeline, so we're kinda nearer to 4/5 months old now rather than 2/3 years - so maybe you won't have experienced this yet. Have you got to the 'I NEED A NIGHT OFF' phase yet? If your other half is anything like mine, he'll have magically conjured up a situtation that has allowed for him to stay out/stay at home when you stay out with the kids or something - i.e. he's already had this mysterical, exciting experience. But not you ... Well, this is your time to go for it. Baby doesn't need feeding in the night (or shouldn't - aim for this now or try warm water in a bottle instead of milk - which said-husband can do without you anyway) so you really have no excuse!
You may be a really strange one (like someone I know) and not actually want to have time to yourself (really, REALLY?? - Are you mad, weird, or lying about that???) but on the assumption that you'd slowly saw your right arm off with a rusty knife just to experience this, go for it! If it'd make you feel better, just arrange a local night out but stay at a mate's house (just to allow you that feeling of switching off at night time) so you can get home if you need to. But really, honestly - go for it - it's so utterly important as a bit of a energy/personality reviver at this time. I highly recommend it!!
Then you can come back, refreshed, and ready to face the next few months - and by now it definitely gets easier - you get more sleep, baby does more things and actually interacts (I love that bit) and life can get back on track, albeit with a new (baby led) twist.
Thursday 9 May 2013
Sleep baby sleep ... pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease?
With baby one we did this at 4.5 months and with baby 2 at 5 months. Some call it 'controlled crying' but I think that sounds all a bit emotive - I prefer to refer to it at 'helping them sooth'. But yeah, okay - you are essentially allowing your baby to cry without rushing in every 60 seconds (if you can even last that long!) ...
I remember with my first sitting in the cafe with all the other new mums after a baby yoga session (yeah, they exist, but don't worry, no one's expecting your little one to get into the lotus position in week one) and listening to all these mums with babies a few weeks or months older than mine talking about how they sit and rock their little ones to sleep in the rocking chair. And how they still have to go in one, two or three times a night. I was mortified - I couldn't keep doing this for months on end - no way! One mum mentioned the dreaded 'controlled crying' and I was so curious as to how she knew when to try it. She said 'you just know'. And I have to say, that was the best bit of advice ever. With anything - when should I drop a bottle? You'll know. When should I drop the dummy? You'll know. If you don't know it means you/baby isn't ready yet (hence waiting until 5 months with second to do this - oh and the fact a friend was staying over just before baby turned 5 months and we didn't want a crying baby keeping her awake - see, we're quite nice people really!) ...
So, for me, this is a bloody great time to stop the dummy and start with 'helping them sooth'. It's really emotionally hard so make sure hubby (or whoever) is onside and prepared to be on the end of the phone or there to take over if you're having a wobble. And wobbles definitely creep in every so often. But one thing I will say is - you'll be pleasantly surprised how great baby is at this. Another great thing about this time is that you're in a routine now, you may have started weaning (more on this another time) and you can read your baby a little better. So all in all you know baby is good and fine to go through the night without a million feeds an hour.
Start with an evening - you know baby's exhausted and you know baby will go to sleep (eventually!) ... so, pick your night and off you go - do usual bedtime routine and put baby down with no dummy and leave the room. Now is a great time to tidy up a few bits upstairs. Just 2 minutes worth of tidying but believe me 2 minutes is more than usually gets done, so it's a bonus. Is baby crying? Or coo-ing? Or quiet? Next step - if baby is crying, quietly go in (not like my other half who 'quietly' wacks the door open, suddenly flooding the room with light and noise!), hand on chest and 'shhh shhh' baby, reassure you're still there and walk back out again. Now find a very handy, neccessary job that will take 5 minutes (make a cup of tea downstairs?). Was baby coo-ing? Lovely - leave be. Quiet? Leave be. If coo-ing or quiet baby starts crying, start that 2 minute job and give them 2 minutes to sort themselves out. So now we're up to the 5 minute wait. We tend to put some quiet lullaby music (that the monitor plays) on for this going to sleep period - a great consistent signifier that it's sleep time.
After 5 minutes have a listen. Baby still crying? Go back and repeat the soothing by placing hand on chest and leave. Now give it ten. Then 20. Then 40. With baby number 1 we never went past the 10 minute gap - always settled himself within that period. With baby number 2 it tended to stetch into the 20 minute gap (although rarely, usually within the 10 minute one).
Be prepared for one or two difficult nights/day nap settling periods but then that's it. Baby can settle herself. Sometimes it can take longer than one or two difficult periods - one day (when I started this with my second) I called said-hubby at work as was having a total shocker - she'd not settled for 30 minutes, but he reminded me to stay strong and although that day was hard, the next day was a totally different experience (in a good way!) ... AND, the best thing about this all - if you're worried you're not doing the right thing, when you go in to get baby up for their next feed time, the smiles and gorgeous excitment from a well slept baby that great you (once awake) is fantastic. A reminder they still love you and a reminder you are trying to help them get the much needed sleep they need. It's totally worth it!!
Good luck! And before you ask, yes, this can work with older babies too (although the length of getting them to settle may take a little longer). Oh, and one final thing - baby doesn't scream and cry and holler for the whole time (as people may like you believe) - there may be a scream/crying patch for a minute or two but that settles and they coo more than you realise when trying to self sooth.
I remember with my first sitting in the cafe with all the other new mums after a baby yoga session (yeah, they exist, but don't worry, no one's expecting your little one to get into the lotus position in week one) and listening to all these mums with babies a few weeks or months older than mine talking about how they sit and rock their little ones to sleep in the rocking chair. And how they still have to go in one, two or three times a night. I was mortified - I couldn't keep doing this for months on end - no way! One mum mentioned the dreaded 'controlled crying' and I was so curious as to how she knew when to try it. She said 'you just know'. And I have to say, that was the best bit of advice ever. With anything - when should I drop a bottle? You'll know. When should I drop the dummy? You'll know. If you don't know it means you/baby isn't ready yet (hence waiting until 5 months with second to do this - oh and the fact a friend was staying over just before baby turned 5 months and we didn't want a crying baby keeping her awake - see, we're quite nice people really!) ...
So, for me, this is a bloody great time to stop the dummy and start with 'helping them sooth'. It's really emotionally hard so make sure hubby (or whoever) is onside and prepared to be on the end of the phone or there to take over if you're having a wobble. And wobbles definitely creep in every so often. But one thing I will say is - you'll be pleasantly surprised how great baby is at this. Another great thing about this time is that you're in a routine now, you may have started weaning (more on this another time) and you can read your baby a little better. So all in all you know baby is good and fine to go through the night without a million feeds an hour.
Start with an evening - you know baby's exhausted and you know baby will go to sleep (eventually!) ... so, pick your night and off you go - do usual bedtime routine and put baby down with no dummy and leave the room. Now is a great time to tidy up a few bits upstairs. Just 2 minutes worth of tidying but believe me 2 minutes is more than usually gets done, so it's a bonus. Is baby crying? Or coo-ing? Or quiet? Next step - if baby is crying, quietly go in (not like my other half who 'quietly' wacks the door open, suddenly flooding the room with light and noise!), hand on chest and 'shhh shhh' baby, reassure you're still there and walk back out again. Now find a very handy, neccessary job that will take 5 minutes (make a cup of tea downstairs?). Was baby coo-ing? Lovely - leave be. Quiet? Leave be. If coo-ing or quiet baby starts crying, start that 2 minute job and give them 2 minutes to sort themselves out. So now we're up to the 5 minute wait. We tend to put some quiet lullaby music (that the monitor plays) on for this going to sleep period - a great consistent signifier that it's sleep time.
After 5 minutes have a listen. Baby still crying? Go back and repeat the soothing by placing hand on chest and leave. Now give it ten. Then 20. Then 40. With baby number 1 we never went past the 10 minute gap - always settled himself within that period. With baby number 2 it tended to stetch into the 20 minute gap (although rarely, usually within the 10 minute one).
Be prepared for one or two difficult nights/day nap settling periods but then that's it. Baby can settle herself. Sometimes it can take longer than one or two difficult periods - one day (when I started this with my second) I called said-hubby at work as was having a total shocker - she'd not settled for 30 minutes, but he reminded me to stay strong and although that day was hard, the next day was a totally different experience (in a good way!) ... AND, the best thing about this all - if you're worried you're not doing the right thing, when you go in to get baby up for their next feed time, the smiles and gorgeous excitment from a well slept baby that great you (once awake) is fantastic. A reminder they still love you and a reminder you are trying to help them get the much needed sleep they need. It's totally worth it!!
Good luck! And before you ask, yes, this can work with older babies too (although the length of getting them to settle may take a little longer). Oh, and one final thing - baby doesn't scream and cry and holler for the whole time (as people may like you believe) - there may be a scream/crying patch for a minute or two but that settles and they coo more than you realise when trying to self sooth.
Wednesday 8 May 2013
Summer days
Once you've hit 16/17 weeks, ideally you're in the best routine - the best routine because baby goes down by himself, sleeps 2 long sleeps a day and goes through 12 hours. This gives you heaps of time to remind yourself you're a human being.
However, one very important point is not to be disheartened if you have a shocker here or there. One friend said a great comment to me - if it's more than 3 days it's a routine. So if you have a shocker - it's not forever - just start again tomorrow at 7am. So yesterday my second didn't have any of her day naps and just cried and wasn't herself. It's painfully exhausting, frustrating and sends a routine-led person into a bit of a tiz - SHE ISN'T PLAYING BALL WITH MY PLAN!! Do what you can to relax, take baby out for a walk or drive to get some fresh air. Phone a friend to remember there are adults out there who you can have a proper conversation with and just grit and bare the shocker ... Go to sleep and the next day WILL bring a better day again (I can promise this from experience!).
Dealing with the heat is a toughy - it always amazes me when I see little ones out in vests, babygrows, trousers, jumpers etc etc - and the parents in a vest and skirt! If you're warm, they'll be warm. So put them in the same amount of layers you'd be happy wearing. If you'd be hot - they'll be hot. This is a prime time for bad nappy rash, so make sure you'll change nappies more regularly than you would. And start to pull back on clothes you put on at night time. So if you put them in a babygrow and vest and gro bag, then maybe go for a short sleeve vest and babygrow first. Or just babygrow and gro bag. We tend to put baby in a long sleeve vest and gro bag. But remember you can get summer gro bags, so move onto the 1 tog gro bags when neccessary too. We also put a fan in the room, aimed at the floor near the cot to just circulate the air around baby when it's really hot.
And something else to keep reminding yourself of in moments of baby being a bit irritating is that they go through phases. Oh, and this goes on for years, so this is a great mantra to learn 'it's only a phase, it's only a phase, it's only a phase' - come on, start saying it to yourself now so it gets ingrained. For example, at 16 weeks baby starts shrieking - it's loud and seems to get louder. Why are they doing this? and why in public of all places?? It's only a phase - they've learnt a new sound and boy are they practising it! Or, when baby is on the play mat, he cries when you leave his sight. It's only a phase - they are wondering where you are but they'll work out you're coming back soon enough (try talking to them from whereever you're going to so they can still hear your voice - that works for us and this crying stops after a couple of days). It's only a phase, it's only a phase, it's only a phase ... if you stick to your routine confidently, it's only a phase and baby'll move onto something else new and exciting (for them) ...
However, one very important point is not to be disheartened if you have a shocker here or there. One friend said a great comment to me - if it's more than 3 days it's a routine. So if you have a shocker - it's not forever - just start again tomorrow at 7am. So yesterday my second didn't have any of her day naps and just cried and wasn't herself. It's painfully exhausting, frustrating and sends a routine-led person into a bit of a tiz - SHE ISN'T PLAYING BALL WITH MY PLAN!! Do what you can to relax, take baby out for a walk or drive to get some fresh air. Phone a friend to remember there are adults out there who you can have a proper conversation with and just grit and bare the shocker ... Go to sleep and the next day WILL bring a better day again (I can promise this from experience!).
Dealing with the heat is a toughy - it always amazes me when I see little ones out in vests, babygrows, trousers, jumpers etc etc - and the parents in a vest and skirt! If you're warm, they'll be warm. So put them in the same amount of layers you'd be happy wearing. If you'd be hot - they'll be hot. This is a prime time for bad nappy rash, so make sure you'll change nappies more regularly than you would. And start to pull back on clothes you put on at night time. So if you put them in a babygrow and vest and gro bag, then maybe go for a short sleeve vest and babygrow first. Or just babygrow and gro bag. We tend to put baby in a long sleeve vest and gro bag. But remember you can get summer gro bags, so move onto the 1 tog gro bags when neccessary too. We also put a fan in the room, aimed at the floor near the cot to just circulate the air around baby when it's really hot.
And something else to keep reminding yourself of in moments of baby being a bit irritating is that they go through phases. Oh, and this goes on for years, so this is a great mantra to learn 'it's only a phase, it's only a phase, it's only a phase' - come on, start saying it to yourself now so it gets ingrained. For example, at 16 weeks baby starts shrieking - it's loud and seems to get louder. Why are they doing this? and why in public of all places?? It's only a phase - they've learnt a new sound and boy are they practising it! Or, when baby is on the play mat, he cries when you leave his sight. It's only a phase - they are wondering where you are but they'll work out you're coming back soon enough (try talking to them from whereever you're going to so they can still hear your voice - that works for us and this crying stops after a couple of days). It's only a phase, it's only a phase, it's only a phase ... if you stick to your routine confidently, it's only a phase and baby'll move onto something else new and exciting (for them) ...
Tuesday 7 May 2013
I'm so tired!
One thing that people don't always tell you (Gina!) is that invariably when doing a routine (strict of not) there will be one period of the day between feeds where baby just won't play ball. However much you plead, request and beg baby to be nice and do what you want, they just won't. With our first, in the first 5 weeks it was always the time after the 10.30pm/11pm feed. He just wouldn't settle to sleep after until we fed him again at 2pm (little bugger). We then had great fun over the following 10 weeks as this unsettled period moved around the 24 hours. So one day it would be between 7-10am, another in the evenings etc. So the majority of the time he would be great and play ball, but for one 'section' of the day he just wouldn't.
We had a total shocker when trying Baby Whisperer's 'pick up put down' method - one afternoon baby just wouldn't settle (he was 17 weeks old). So I did the old 'going in, pick up, wait for him to calm down and then put down' method. But my goodness, it didn't work for us and after 70 minutes of a balling baby I gave up, got him up, fed him, put him in the car seat and off we went for a drive, as he popped off to the land of nod. I felt so terrible I went and bought him three new outfits from Tescos!! Okay, he might not have acknowledged the apology, but I felt a little better! After that I realised that method just wasn't for me and I'd try something different. (More on that another time, but essentially it was the dreaded controlled crying - but was brilliant for us and I like to refer to it more as 'controlled self soothing' - it sounds better and is a better description).
So, back to present day and that aged old question of whether the routine is all worth it. I have had this exact conversation with husband pretty much every morning for the past 5 weeks. You see, our second is getting there with her sleep training but just wouldn't play ball in the mornings. She was waking up at 6am every day. And every day we would lie in bed, listening to her crying, then cooing then crying a bit again until we would go in at 6.45am (that it my cut off when we are 'allowed' to go in). You see we did this with our first - wouldn't get him up until 7am regardless of when he woke up. So we lie in bed, awake, arguing about it being ridiculous that we are all awake (by now the second has woken up the first too) but doing nothing about it. Well, I can (finally) say, yey - it was worth it. The questioning and the wonder has worked. For the past 5 mornings our little cherub (?!) has slept until 7am. Ah, she's learning!
My advice - after one argument too many, I asked said-husband to support me and back me up. Sometimes at 6am when I'm shattered, I just want to go in and get her, but I need him to help remind me why we're doing this and that we should stay strong and not go in for an easier life at that time. And he did. A frank conversation helped and we worked as a team. So just have that open line of communcation with each other and back each other up when one is weakening through exhaustion.
After all, a 6am start might not be that horrendous for everyone, but when that creeps to 5am (as a number of friends have experienced), I know I wouldn't be able to function when I go back to work getting up at that time every day.
We had a total shocker when trying Baby Whisperer's 'pick up put down' method - one afternoon baby just wouldn't settle (he was 17 weeks old). So I did the old 'going in, pick up, wait for him to calm down and then put down' method. But my goodness, it didn't work for us and after 70 minutes of a balling baby I gave up, got him up, fed him, put him in the car seat and off we went for a drive, as he popped off to the land of nod. I felt so terrible I went and bought him three new outfits from Tescos!! Okay, he might not have acknowledged the apology, but I felt a little better! After that I realised that method just wasn't for me and I'd try something different. (More on that another time, but essentially it was the dreaded controlled crying - but was brilliant for us and I like to refer to it more as 'controlled self soothing' - it sounds better and is a better description).
So, back to present day and that aged old question of whether the routine is all worth it. I have had this exact conversation with husband pretty much every morning for the past 5 weeks. You see, our second is getting there with her sleep training but just wouldn't play ball in the mornings. She was waking up at 6am every day. And every day we would lie in bed, listening to her crying, then cooing then crying a bit again until we would go in at 6.45am (that it my cut off when we are 'allowed' to go in). You see we did this with our first - wouldn't get him up until 7am regardless of when he woke up. So we lie in bed, awake, arguing about it being ridiculous that we are all awake (by now the second has woken up the first too) but doing nothing about it. Well, I can (finally) say, yey - it was worth it. The questioning and the wonder has worked. For the past 5 mornings our little cherub (?!) has slept until 7am. Ah, she's learning!
My advice - after one argument too many, I asked said-husband to support me and back me up. Sometimes at 6am when I'm shattered, I just want to go in and get her, but I need him to help remind me why we're doing this and that we should stay strong and not go in for an easier life at that time. And he did. A frank conversation helped and we worked as a team. So just have that open line of communcation with each other and back each other up when one is weakening through exhaustion.
After all, a 6am start might not be that horrendous for everyone, but when that creeps to 5am (as a number of friends have experienced), I know I wouldn't be able to function when I go back to work getting up at that time every day.
Saturday 4 May 2013
Myths dispelled
I thought I'd help dispell a few myths that you may have come across:
My baby was smiling at 5 weeks.
Who cares?? My baby didn't smile (a proper, 'I know he actually smiled at me' whilst gurning at him) until 9 weeks. So please don't worry if your baby hasn't done this yet. I thought I might have to rename ours Kevin - I was already starting the letters to my dead-betrothed at 8 weeks. Thank god I waited to go back to the registrars!
My baby has such a strong neck - sits upright at 10 weeks.
How lovely, bully for you. Mine doesn't (and she's 14 weeks old). You don't see many 30 year olds walking to work with floppy necks, staring at the floor, unable to look up. Don't worry - they'll get their eventually!
My baby was walking at 9 months.
Really? How wonderful. You must have really enjoyed having to follow them around EVERYWHERE for the next year! Mine didn't walk until 19 months (the other end of the 'expected' spectrum) - in all fairness he was pretty darn huge so I'm not sure his legs could have coped with the intense pressure of the weight!! But he managed it though - they'll get there eventually. Don't worry!
My baby was dry at 2 years.
Bullshit. I got into a right panic when everyone else seemed to have perfectly pee-ing children. It wasn't until I was halfway through the joys of potty training and mentioned that I still had to take mine to the loo every 30 minutes that I found out others were too! So actually they were just lucky to have caught the wee (or poo) before it landed in their pants - they might have been 'dry' but they certainly weren't potty trained!
My child is Banksy.
Ever received one of those really shit Christmas cards that your friend's toddler has drawn at nursery? You know the ones - a blue line crossed by a red line and that's it? Well, anything more than that and believe me, the parents have got involved! A friend of a friend (who shall remain nameless) did exactly that - doctored their daughter's Christmas cards before they went to print ... and didn't admit it when asked. I know this how? The husband broke once questioned (after just one pint!).
My baby was smiling at 5 weeks.
Who cares?? My baby didn't smile (a proper, 'I know he actually smiled at me' whilst gurning at him) until 9 weeks. So please don't worry if your baby hasn't done this yet. I thought I might have to rename ours Kevin - I was already starting the letters to my dead-betrothed at 8 weeks. Thank god I waited to go back to the registrars!
My baby has such a strong neck - sits upright at 10 weeks.
How lovely, bully for you. Mine doesn't (and she's 14 weeks old). You don't see many 30 year olds walking to work with floppy necks, staring at the floor, unable to look up. Don't worry - they'll get their eventually!
My baby was walking at 9 months.
Really? How wonderful. You must have really enjoyed having to follow them around EVERYWHERE for the next year! Mine didn't walk until 19 months (the other end of the 'expected' spectrum) - in all fairness he was pretty darn huge so I'm not sure his legs could have coped with the intense pressure of the weight!! But he managed it though - they'll get there eventually. Don't worry!
My baby was dry at 2 years.
Bullshit. I got into a right panic when everyone else seemed to have perfectly pee-ing children. It wasn't until I was halfway through the joys of potty training and mentioned that I still had to take mine to the loo every 30 minutes that I found out others were too! So actually they were just lucky to have caught the wee (or poo) before it landed in their pants - they might have been 'dry' but they certainly weren't potty trained!
My child is Banksy.
Ever received one of those really shit Christmas cards that your friend's toddler has drawn at nursery? You know the ones - a blue line crossed by a red line and that's it? Well, anything more than that and believe me, the parents have got involved! A friend of a friend (who shall remain nameless) did exactly that - doctored their daughter's Christmas cards before they went to print ... and didn't admit it when asked. I know this how? The husband broke once questioned (after just one pint!).
Friday 3 May 2013
3 months, still no sleep
So, I think we got up to 12 weeks ish and finally we're on the hoo-ray downhill excitment towards the best routine (only about 4/6 weeks to go!) ... Baby still isn't settling herself properly yet. So anyone who proudly announces their baby sleeps through now is just lucky that their baby happens to sleep for long periods - babies/humans don't usually just sleep - they sleep a bit, wake a bit and go back to sleep a bit longer. So just be quietly smug that those people will soon get s rude awakening (literally) when their baby starts to wake in the night and doesn't have a clue what to do (so will cry and scream until they come and help them).
For you, baby is now not swaddled and still using the dummy, if you have chosen to, you are putting baby down upstairs in their cot during the day for their sleeps. Still in the 3 hour routine, you should try to change baby's nappy before you put them down. Then maybe a little cuddle and song and put them down. We use the music on the monitor to help signify it's sleep time, but maybe you do something else? Put a radio on quietly or some music on an ipod. If baby is crying and won't settle just go back in and put the dummy back in. I've been known to do this for up to 30/40 minutes. It's a killer and exhausting and you wonder whether it's worth it - but it is, I promise, so stick with it. You'll only actually have one or two bad days of this before baby works out how to get off to sleep. Sometimes I place my hand on their chest to reassure them I'm here before putting the dummy back in if it feels appropriate. And occasionally, if it feels right, I'll pick them up and sooth before placing them back in the cot (still awake). Baby might cry again when I do this but I'll try and leave it a minute or two before going back in to try the dummy again.
Anyway, baby gets to sleep and I get half an hour (or over if I'm lucky) to have a shower, do some washing and get online to write my blog! If it took so long that baby is only going to get 20 minutes sleep in this cycle, then so be it - might sound harsh, but routine routine routine. So slowly wake baby up and get the bottle (or boob) on the go again and so it goes on.
There are some ideas out there about feeding in quicker succession nearer the bedtime. So if you do 1pm and 4pm, then feed again at 6.30pm - don't wait until 7pm (baby will be too exhausted by then anyway). This worked wonder for my first but my second wasn't bothered. So with my second we made the 4pm bottle less, so she would be hungrier at 6.30pm otherwise she just wouldn't feed that much then. This was something I really took on board that the Baby Whisperer talks about - food amounts in the day time. But it's only at this age that it really became relevant for me. So if baby is feeding loads in the night but not that much in the day, adjust it all. You need to break the cycle (which will probably make for a pretty shitty day or two whilst you do it) but choose a night when you're going to do it, and that night don't give a full bottle at whatever time you have to feed (3/4am or whenever). Limit it so you know baby has eaten and staved off the hunger but not enough to actually fill them up. Then at 7am they will feed a bit more (they might not have gone back to sleep brilliantly, so you may be feeling totally crap now - go back to bed if you can). At 10am they will be hungry again etc etc ... so you are essentially teaching them to feed more in the day and less at night - obviously our overall aim.
This leads to some long nights for you - but remember you have an aim - if you can break the cycle, in another day or two you'll feel so much better when baby goes longer in the night without a bottle (because they're more full from their day feeds).
Good luck!
For you, baby is now not swaddled and still using the dummy, if you have chosen to, you are putting baby down upstairs in their cot during the day for their sleeps. Still in the 3 hour routine, you should try to change baby's nappy before you put them down. Then maybe a little cuddle and song and put them down. We use the music on the monitor to help signify it's sleep time, but maybe you do something else? Put a radio on quietly or some music on an ipod. If baby is crying and won't settle just go back in and put the dummy back in. I've been known to do this for up to 30/40 minutes. It's a killer and exhausting and you wonder whether it's worth it - but it is, I promise, so stick with it. You'll only actually have one or two bad days of this before baby works out how to get off to sleep. Sometimes I place my hand on their chest to reassure them I'm here before putting the dummy back in if it feels appropriate. And occasionally, if it feels right, I'll pick them up and sooth before placing them back in the cot (still awake). Baby might cry again when I do this but I'll try and leave it a minute or two before going back in to try the dummy again.
Anyway, baby gets to sleep and I get half an hour (or over if I'm lucky) to have a shower, do some washing and get online to write my blog! If it took so long that baby is only going to get 20 minutes sleep in this cycle, then so be it - might sound harsh, but routine routine routine. So slowly wake baby up and get the bottle (or boob) on the go again and so it goes on.
There are some ideas out there about feeding in quicker succession nearer the bedtime. So if you do 1pm and 4pm, then feed again at 6.30pm - don't wait until 7pm (baby will be too exhausted by then anyway). This worked wonder for my first but my second wasn't bothered. So with my second we made the 4pm bottle less, so she would be hungrier at 6.30pm otherwise she just wouldn't feed that much then. This was something I really took on board that the Baby Whisperer talks about - food amounts in the day time. But it's only at this age that it really became relevant for me. So if baby is feeding loads in the night but not that much in the day, adjust it all. You need to break the cycle (which will probably make for a pretty shitty day or two whilst you do it) but choose a night when you're going to do it, and that night don't give a full bottle at whatever time you have to feed (3/4am or whenever). Limit it so you know baby has eaten and staved off the hunger but not enough to actually fill them up. Then at 7am they will feed a bit more (they might not have gone back to sleep brilliantly, so you may be feeling totally crap now - go back to bed if you can). At 10am they will be hungry again etc etc ... so you are essentially teaching them to feed more in the day and less at night - obviously our overall aim.
This leads to some long nights for you - but remember you have an aim - if you can break the cycle, in another day or two you'll feel so much better when baby goes longer in the night without a bottle (because they're more full from their day feeds).
Good luck!
Tuesday 30 April 2013
Food Glorious Food
So how do you choose a formula? How do you decide what bottles to use and when to change teats etc etc?
I'm a believer in mixed feeding. I'm defo not a believer in 'my baby won't take a bottle'. No one gets awards for martyrdom and my pet peeve is the age-old moan from breast feeding mothers about how they don't get any sleep, how their partners can't help out and how they're so exhausted. Either it's their health visitors putting the emotional pressure on them to breast feed and through exhaustion they can't see the wood for the trees, or they genuinely can't work out how to ask for help. No well loved, healthy baby is going to suffer from being given expressed or formula milk once a day. So I can't understand why one wouldn't turn to something to help them. Surely some sleep and tlc will help milk production and allow your baby to feed better?
From day dot we have mixed fed - so breast fed through the day and night but hubby has given a bottle at 10pm. For the first few weeks this is expressed milk. I followed Gina's thoughts with this - it made sense to me - express twice a day - it does wonders for milk production and a few days in I'm expressing over 100mls of milk (so I know baby is also getting plenty too in her feeds).
Giving a bottle for the first time is like giving a boob - it takes a few goes at trying to suckle and get the right positioning etc but once they get it, it works. And if baby is hungry, they'll take whatever is on offer!
We went for Aptamil formula but only because we were like the sheep at the back of the herd and everyone else seemed to be using it. There wasn't any big amount of research or reasoning behind it (odd for me as I seem to research everything a million times before I make a decision). It's worked well for us and we used hungry baby milk as first baby was never full so why rock the apple cart with the second. As she never really fed much we did try no 1 milk, but she drank the same amount just was hungrier quicker - as I like my routines, we decided to go back to no 2 (hungry baby) milk so the 3-hour routine would be achievable.
A friend really struggled breast feeding with her first and was adamant it was the only way. Her baby cried and cried (and cried some more). The health visitors didn't offer her any other options but just encouraged her to carry on trying the boob. She then started mixed feeding after her sisters gave her the confidence to do it. At month 4 she went to her GP who was stunned that she was topping up every feed and suggested maybe she just moved onto bottles (every feed was taking over an hour - 40 mins of breast feeding and then doing the bottle too). She finally saw the wood for the trees, knew she'd 'done her bit' for her baby's start and moved just onto bottles. It wasn't what she set out to do, but was so much happier now a decision had been made. With her second, she started breast feeding but was so much more relaxed. When she started struggling to keep her milk production up, she went straight onto bottles and was much more content. No pressure from anyone to keep breast feeding, just the confidence that she was doing the right thing for her baby.
If you only try the bottle once every so often with a baby and expect them to then only take a bottle when you want them to at month 5, of course it'll be a struggle - it's all new. So my advice is start early and offer a bottle once a day. I promise you'll be happy with your decision a few weeks down the line. Plus, hubby will love the responsibility and space to bond with baby - a hugely important time of the day for them too.
I feel like today's been a little schmaltzy! I'm tired. My 6-month old isn't playing ball with waking up at 7am - she's hard bent on waking at 6am. I'm doing my best to sleep train - give it a few more weeks and I'm sure I'll have it nailed! Will update you on that side of things soon.
I'm a believer in mixed feeding. I'm defo not a believer in 'my baby won't take a bottle'. No one gets awards for martyrdom and my pet peeve is the age-old moan from breast feeding mothers about how they don't get any sleep, how their partners can't help out and how they're so exhausted. Either it's their health visitors putting the emotional pressure on them to breast feed and through exhaustion they can't see the wood for the trees, or they genuinely can't work out how to ask for help. No well loved, healthy baby is going to suffer from being given expressed or formula milk once a day. So I can't understand why one wouldn't turn to something to help them. Surely some sleep and tlc will help milk production and allow your baby to feed better?
From day dot we have mixed fed - so breast fed through the day and night but hubby has given a bottle at 10pm. For the first few weeks this is expressed milk. I followed Gina's thoughts with this - it made sense to me - express twice a day - it does wonders for milk production and a few days in I'm expressing over 100mls of milk (so I know baby is also getting plenty too in her feeds).
Giving a bottle for the first time is like giving a boob - it takes a few goes at trying to suckle and get the right positioning etc but once they get it, it works. And if baby is hungry, they'll take whatever is on offer!
We went for Aptamil formula but only because we were like the sheep at the back of the herd and everyone else seemed to be using it. There wasn't any big amount of research or reasoning behind it (odd for me as I seem to research everything a million times before I make a decision). It's worked well for us and we used hungry baby milk as first baby was never full so why rock the apple cart with the second. As she never really fed much we did try no 1 milk, but she drank the same amount just was hungrier quicker - as I like my routines, we decided to go back to no 2 (hungry baby) milk so the 3-hour routine would be achievable.
A friend really struggled breast feeding with her first and was adamant it was the only way. Her baby cried and cried (and cried some more). The health visitors didn't offer her any other options but just encouraged her to carry on trying the boob. She then started mixed feeding after her sisters gave her the confidence to do it. At month 4 she went to her GP who was stunned that she was topping up every feed and suggested maybe she just moved onto bottles (every feed was taking over an hour - 40 mins of breast feeding and then doing the bottle too). She finally saw the wood for the trees, knew she'd 'done her bit' for her baby's start and moved just onto bottles. It wasn't what she set out to do, but was so much happier now a decision had been made. With her second, she started breast feeding but was so much more relaxed. When she started struggling to keep her milk production up, she went straight onto bottles and was much more content. No pressure from anyone to keep breast feeding, just the confidence that she was doing the right thing for her baby.
If you only try the bottle once every so often with a baby and expect them to then only take a bottle when you want them to at month 5, of course it'll be a struggle - it's all new. So my advice is start early and offer a bottle once a day. I promise you'll be happy with your decision a few weeks down the line. Plus, hubby will love the responsibility and space to bond with baby - a hugely important time of the day for them too.
I feel like today's been a little schmaltzy! I'm tired. My 6-month old isn't playing ball with waking up at 7am - she's hard bent on waking at 6am. I'm doing my best to sleep train - give it a few more weeks and I'm sure I'll have it nailed! Will update you on that side of things soon.
Monday 29 April 2013
Back at the start (part 3 - to invite or not to invite ... that is the question)
I was at a baby class/group thing last week and overheard two new mums talking about those first few weeks and how they were overrun with visitors. If they were to do it again they wouldn't invite so many people round ... I just don't get that. What else is there to do during the day times when your shattered but baby's awake and you could do with someone else holding the baby (literally)? Or someone adult to speak to as baby sucks the like out of you (for the tenth time that morning)? My opinion is this - at 38 weeks pregnant, go to Costco and buy a large jar of nescafe, a large box of biscuits (by anyone's standard, a large box of anything from Costco will last aaaaaaaages) and some teabags. Then just sit back and wait for the door bell to ring (unless you've turned it onto silent because you can't bear for the postie to wake up baby one more time just as you've put him down, in which wait for your phone to ping as people text that their waiting outside).
Why not let people come and see the little shrivelled bundle of fun? They only want to see tiny babies - by the time you actually feel happy to see other people and feel in control of the baby, it'll be 4 years old and you'll still be a bit unsure about what you're doing.
I once had a friend who was desperate (I thought) to come and stay with us and see our new little addition to the family. She came and stayed with us for two nights. Any 'normal' person would come and help out - offer to change nappies, bath baby - or at the very least make you a cup of tea as you sit with said child attached to your boob. But no, my husband and I spent two days waiting on her hand and foot, cooking dinner and making lunch as we struggled through week 5 with our first born. As we dropped her off at the bus station to go home she proudly announced - 'seeing you with a baby has shown me that I'm ready now too' - basically she came, watched as we 'coped' (ish) and left happy to tell her boyfriend she was ready to start trying for a baby! I think if I was 'do it again' I wouldn't offer for people to stay unless they came ready with receipes and cooking abilities to look after us ...
Even though that was quite exhausting, I totally don't see why you can't have friends and family over on a daily basis to see the little one. It'll be a crazy two weeks anyway when baby is first born, so why not just go with the flow, have tea, coffee and biscuits already available and just sit back and watch them coo over your quiet baby ... just wait - the moment they leave, your gorgeous, well behaved munchkin will turn into the devil child who can't settle. But just smile - it happens to us all - you're not the only one ... I promise!
Why not let people come and see the little shrivelled bundle of fun? They only want to see tiny babies - by the time you actually feel happy to see other people and feel in control of the baby, it'll be 4 years old and you'll still be a bit unsure about what you're doing.
I once had a friend who was desperate (I thought) to come and stay with us and see our new little addition to the family. She came and stayed with us for two nights. Any 'normal' person would come and help out - offer to change nappies, bath baby - or at the very least make you a cup of tea as you sit with said child attached to your boob. But no, my husband and I spent two days waiting on her hand and foot, cooking dinner and making lunch as we struggled through week 5 with our first born. As we dropped her off at the bus station to go home she proudly announced - 'seeing you with a baby has shown me that I'm ready now too' - basically she came, watched as we 'coped' (ish) and left happy to tell her boyfriend she was ready to start trying for a baby! I think if I was 'do it again' I wouldn't offer for people to stay unless they came ready with receipes and cooking abilities to look after us ...
Even though that was quite exhausting, I totally don't see why you can't have friends and family over on a daily basis to see the little one. It'll be a crazy two weeks anyway when baby is first born, so why not just go with the flow, have tea, coffee and biscuits already available and just sit back and watch them coo over your quiet baby ... just wait - the moment they leave, your gorgeous, well behaved munchkin will turn into the devil child who can't settle. But just smile - it happens to us all - you're not the only one ... I promise!
Friday 26 April 2013
A cry's a cry
I can remember reading a couple of books before I had babies and one saying about learning the baby's cry. It made no sense to me at all and even after the first couple of weeks of a new born I still didn't know what they meant. But at about 8 weeks-ish it kicked in - I got it and understood what they meant. To anyone else it might have sounded like my baby was crying, but actually it was a noise that he made when he was settling himself to sleep. It wasn't a 'I need feeding' cry, but just a 'I might need some help to get off to sleep please' cry.
But thinking about this is a nice conduit into the next few weeks - if anything else crops up about those early days, I'll definitely mention it, but onwards to the 8-12 weeks period. For me I am now in the throws of my 3-hour routine. Up at 7am every morning.
No swaddling anymore (that stopped at 10 weeks - later than with my first, which stopped at 6 weeks - he was a huge bruiser and bashed his way out of it, the little devil) and on to the growbags. If you're like me, you'll have baby in their own room, in a cot now for all his sleeps. I think this is a good aim to have.
Why on earth do people want to share their evenings with their newborns downstairs with them? And a doubley why on earth would you want to listen to them farting and wriggling around in bed in your room through the night?? As far as I'm concerned, his is where independence starts! A good aim is to have baby upstairs in the evenings at about 6 weeks (if not before - up to you obviously). Our first was great at this, the second let the side down slightly and didn't settle well in the evenings until about 15 weeks. Hubby thought we had a dud, but I was convinced it was about sleep training and we would get there - low and behold we did! I (yet again) refer to my 'it's hard work' statement. We had many an evenings where one or both would spend a few hours upstairs going in and out trying to help settle baby. But those few weeks have been totally worth it. By 4.5 months we were through the worse and baby settled by herself upstairs at 6.30pm.
I digressed slightly - so, still with the dummy, baby is now sleeping upstairs. I don't know about you, but it can be sooooooo frustrating trying to keep baby sleeping. How can you let the washing machine go full on fast (loud) spin for 20 minutes and not a peep, but if you nip to the loo doing some bonkers tip-toe dance to avoid creaky floorboards, trip and the tip of your big toe touches one and makes the slightest noise, you end up with whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa and you've buggered it up!! Grrr ... Anyway, aside from the floorboard dance you hope no one you actually like ever sees you do, it's nice to have a half hour/hour through the day to yourself.
This is the peak period of your 3-hourly routine as soon it's about to change to the really good one - the 4-hourly routine. Oh boy, I love this one. More on that to come.
Oh, and one note about swaddling - if someone says to you 'oh, no my baby won't be swaddled' - bollocks to that - of course they won't if you loosely pass a flimsy piece of cotton over them. Get a decent blanket and wrap fairly tightly around their arms/chest. So maybe cross arms over chest and wrap across so you can tuck one side under baby's back to keep it 'done up'. Please be sensible here - obviously you can't restrict their breathing, so don't do it too much. Just think - if I was wrapped up in it like this, would it feel too much or just right for me? If the latter, you've done a stirling job!
But thinking about this is a nice conduit into the next few weeks - if anything else crops up about those early days, I'll definitely mention it, but onwards to the 8-12 weeks period. For me I am now in the throws of my 3-hour routine. Up at 7am every morning.
No swaddling anymore (that stopped at 10 weeks - later than with my first, which stopped at 6 weeks - he was a huge bruiser and bashed his way out of it, the little devil) and on to the growbags. If you're like me, you'll have baby in their own room, in a cot now for all his sleeps. I think this is a good aim to have.
Why on earth do people want to share their evenings with their newborns downstairs with them? And a doubley why on earth would you want to listen to them farting and wriggling around in bed in your room through the night?? As far as I'm concerned, his is where independence starts! A good aim is to have baby upstairs in the evenings at about 6 weeks (if not before - up to you obviously). Our first was great at this, the second let the side down slightly and didn't settle well in the evenings until about 15 weeks. Hubby thought we had a dud, but I was convinced it was about sleep training and we would get there - low and behold we did! I (yet again) refer to my 'it's hard work' statement. We had many an evenings where one or both would spend a few hours upstairs going in and out trying to help settle baby. But those few weeks have been totally worth it. By 4.5 months we were through the worse and baby settled by herself upstairs at 6.30pm.
I digressed slightly - so, still with the dummy, baby is now sleeping upstairs. I don't know about you, but it can be sooooooo frustrating trying to keep baby sleeping. How can you let the washing machine go full on fast (loud) spin for 20 minutes and not a peep, but if you nip to the loo doing some bonkers tip-toe dance to avoid creaky floorboards, trip and the tip of your big toe touches one and makes the slightest noise, you end up with whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa and you've buggered it up!! Grrr ... Anyway, aside from the floorboard dance you hope no one you actually like ever sees you do, it's nice to have a half hour/hour through the day to yourself.
This is the peak period of your 3-hourly routine as soon it's about to change to the really good one - the 4-hourly routine. Oh boy, I love this one. More on that to come.
Oh, and one note about swaddling - if someone says to you 'oh, no my baby won't be swaddled' - bollocks to that - of course they won't if you loosely pass a flimsy piece of cotton over them. Get a decent blanket and wrap fairly tightly around their arms/chest. So maybe cross arms over chest and wrap across so you can tuck one side under baby's back to keep it 'done up'. Please be sensible here - obviously you can't restrict their breathing, so don't do it too much. Just think - if I was wrapped up in it like this, would it feel too much or just right for me? If the latter, you've done a stirling job!
Thursday 25 April 2013
Back at the start (part 2 - burp ... pardon)
I remembered last night how worried I was about wind, baby pulling his legs up to his tummy and poos. Oh yes, those wonderful first few weeks of concern are just great fun, not.
As well as engorged and painful breasts, you'll find shit takes over your conversation. Or maybe your conversation just turns to shit ... I don't know.
Our first had horrendous problems with wind, although our second didn't suffer as much at all (maybe a sign that we were just left concerned, or a sign that they were just both different - I'm slightly edging towards the former theory, but anyway). Does baby cry, pull his legs up to his tummy, make lots of discomfort noises and then let out a little fart? We tried Infocol, gripe water, anything that might help. In the end, our doctor gave us the best anecdotal advice that worked wonders for us (although I haven't found anyone else willing to try it, however much they say their baby struggles with wind) - onion water. So, you roughly chop half an onion, place in small bowl and just cover with boiled water. Once it's cooled you can keep in fridge for 24 hours. Put a teaspoon in each feed and see the magic happen - boy, those noises will treble I can tell you! Amazing stuff. Farts and poo come at regular intervals - pretty awesome (although bloomin' smelly milk - don't be put off). Our poor first born was filled with Infocol before feeds, onion water during and gripe water after! Maybe it was this tri-potion that helped, or maybe his body just worked out how to deal with air over those first few weeks. Either way, by 10 weeks we were off it all and he was feeding well (albeit with lots of sick still).
Do you find baby is sick a lot? It's another 'please don't worry' moment - it's really common and although it may look A LOT to you, it isn't really. If you try to picture all that sick back in the bottle, 10/20mls would look like loads after it's been puked up. But if baby has had a 120mls bottle, they've still kept loads down. So do try and put it in perspective (however annoying that may sound). It goes back to the age old, is baby generally contended between feeds, are baby's nappies wet, is baby alert etc etc - in which case don't worry, he's fine - and give it another few days and the sickness will subside.
Oh yes, hindsight is a wonderful thing - with your first you'll find yourself worrying, panicking, being concerned about what's wrong with baby. And a few days later you'll find yourself saying 'oh, a tooth has come through - maybe that's why he was crying so much the other night', or, 'oh, baby has got d and v - maybe that's why he wouldn't eat as much yesterday' or somesuch! But with every one of these 'oh ...' moments, it'll add to your confidence and knowledge and will help with the next 'why is baby upset' or not doing something you think he should, so just go with it and enjoy each epiphany moment!
The other thing to mention here is it is perfectly common for some babies to poo 4 times a day and some to poo once every 4 days - if you have one of these extremes, don't worry - it's fine and perfectly normal. Don't get drawn into a comparison with other mummies - it'll drive you crazy.
And the boobs. Oh the boobs. Breast feeding or not they'll be huge by now. Enjoy the look (not the feel) as it won't last long. Gravity and sagging will soon take over. Buy Lanisol by the bucketload and layer the bloody stuff on after each feed. It's the only way to stop the cracking and soreness. And if you're lucky (?!) like me, you may even get bruised nipples for a while too - oh, that's a joy. Don't worry - that pain does go after a couple of days, but it's pretty crap whilst it lasts. Keep feeding through from that one - otherwise you'll get pain from full breasts - the former is the lesser of two evils. Tomorrow I'll go on to the exciting topic of mixed feeding - booby-feeding, single minded mummies may not want to read!
As well as engorged and painful breasts, you'll find shit takes over your conversation. Or maybe your conversation just turns to shit ... I don't know.
Our first had horrendous problems with wind, although our second didn't suffer as much at all (maybe a sign that we were just left concerned, or a sign that they were just both different - I'm slightly edging towards the former theory, but anyway). Does baby cry, pull his legs up to his tummy, make lots of discomfort noises and then let out a little fart? We tried Infocol, gripe water, anything that might help. In the end, our doctor gave us the best anecdotal advice that worked wonders for us (although I haven't found anyone else willing to try it, however much they say their baby struggles with wind) - onion water. So, you roughly chop half an onion, place in small bowl and just cover with boiled water. Once it's cooled you can keep in fridge for 24 hours. Put a teaspoon in each feed and see the magic happen - boy, those noises will treble I can tell you! Amazing stuff. Farts and poo come at regular intervals - pretty awesome (although bloomin' smelly milk - don't be put off). Our poor first born was filled with Infocol before feeds, onion water during and gripe water after! Maybe it was this tri-potion that helped, or maybe his body just worked out how to deal with air over those first few weeks. Either way, by 10 weeks we were off it all and he was feeding well (albeit with lots of sick still).
Do you find baby is sick a lot? It's another 'please don't worry' moment - it's really common and although it may look A LOT to you, it isn't really. If you try to picture all that sick back in the bottle, 10/20mls would look like loads after it's been puked up. But if baby has had a 120mls bottle, they've still kept loads down. So do try and put it in perspective (however annoying that may sound). It goes back to the age old, is baby generally contended between feeds, are baby's nappies wet, is baby alert etc etc - in which case don't worry, he's fine - and give it another few days and the sickness will subside.
Oh yes, hindsight is a wonderful thing - with your first you'll find yourself worrying, panicking, being concerned about what's wrong with baby. And a few days later you'll find yourself saying 'oh, a tooth has come through - maybe that's why he was crying so much the other night', or, 'oh, baby has got d and v - maybe that's why he wouldn't eat as much yesterday' or somesuch! But with every one of these 'oh ...' moments, it'll add to your confidence and knowledge and will help with the next 'why is baby upset' or not doing something you think he should, so just go with it and enjoy each epiphany moment!
The other thing to mention here is it is perfectly common for some babies to poo 4 times a day and some to poo once every 4 days - if you have one of these extremes, don't worry - it's fine and perfectly normal. Don't get drawn into a comparison with other mummies - it'll drive you crazy.
And the boobs. Oh the boobs. Breast feeding or not they'll be huge by now. Enjoy the look (not the feel) as it won't last long. Gravity and sagging will soon take over. Buy Lanisol by the bucketload and layer the bloody stuff on after each feed. It's the only way to stop the cracking and soreness. And if you're lucky (?!) like me, you may even get bruised nipples for a while too - oh, that's a joy. Don't worry - that pain does go after a couple of days, but it's pretty crap whilst it lasts. Keep feeding through from that one - otherwise you'll get pain from full breasts - the former is the lesser of two evils. Tomorrow I'll go on to the exciting topic of mixed feeding - booby-feeding, single minded mummies may not want to read!
Wednesday 24 April 2013
Still back at the start (part 1)
I don't think I'm ready yet to advance onto 8-12 weeks - I realised yesterday when I was at the gym that there's still quite a few issues I've not mentioned that may be things you are experiencing at the very moment ...
Most importantly - if you're still pee-ing in the bath - don't worry - it won't last forever. I can remember being ripped to shreds, sitting in a salt water bath after my first, relieving myself (of urine!) wondering why the fuck people do this? And why no one told me about this bit. Where is the dignity in bathing in your own piss? And why on earth would anyone do this again now they know this??? Where is the fun in having to take a jug to the toilet every time I have to pee and pouring cold water over my bits just to make it not sting as much?? It isn't fun, believe me ... But I can assure you first time mothers, as you loofer your dry skin off with pee-stained water, it will start to subside soon. And come another week or so, you will finally be able to wee all by yourself with no liquid assistance. Obviously by then the pain and discomfort will be taken over by the sore nipples and exploding boobs - but that's for another time.
Anyway, other things I wanted to mention - the dummy. Oh, the dreaded dummy that people will judge you on until the end of time. And don't get me wrong, I'm the first to look at a child over 18 months, walking around with a dummy in, judging and tutting (sorry to my best friend - I don't judge you, just your child ... ha!) - but I am a huge believer in the dummy in those first few months. I have done a lot of reading and am persuaded by the notion that babies like sucking - they have a desire to suck and look to do that to help sooth themselves - so if this is the case, why not give them something that will help in those early, dark (dark!) days?? And I'm also a little judgemental about those who say 'oh no, my baby won't take a dummy' - of course they won't at the start - it's about as unnatural as going to bed at 7pm and staying asleep for 12 hours! - But it's about training and helping them on this little journey. Again, I refer to the 'it's hard work' statement I may have mentioned once or twice before - a lot of questioning yourself as you walk in and out of the room, placing the dummy in over and over - but after a couple of days, they'll be up for the challenge and will realise it's a great soother for them - some (well, our friends over the pond) would say it pacifies them. Okay, call it a pacifier if it makes you feel better about shoving it in.
And when you want to do your 3-hourly routine and have baby sleeping regularly, a dummy can help a huge amount - you know baby has been fed and you know the dummy will help them to sleep - i.e. you'll realise you're not questioning yourself over whether you should go and feed again or somesuch. Plus, I think it's easier to lose the dummy than lose the notion of feeding to sleep or rocking/cuddling to sleep.
I was in a right panic with my second as she was soooooo dependent on the dummy to go to sleep. With our first we got rid at night time four and a half months, but as we approached that age, I couldn't see it happening. But at 5 months it just felt right - she was settling herself in the night without it and so that was it - another boot camp-style of hardcore-ness. Bang on 5 months, the dummy was stopped there and then. And you know what - after all the worrying and angst about the terrible nights ahead, it worked! Within 20 mins (mostly quicker) she was asleep with no dummy and we didn't use it again.
With our first we kept use of the dummy in the day time (I couldn't deal with a crying baby in public!) but by the time we had our second I was more confident with how to deal with a tired baby trying to get off to sleep. So she just went to bed one night and didn't get given the dummy again. So my feeling is that it's a great sleep aid whilst you get into your routine and find your feet, but then once you're confident with the sleep times and feeds (i.e. you know baby is full, changed and contented) get rid. It's definitely easier to get rid now than go to the doctor's or dentist at 2/3 yrs old and get told baby's teeth are growing funny because of the dummy, or baby's speech hasn't developed as well because of the dummy etc etc etc ... (again, apols as I know that sounds judgemental, but I guess this is about my views ...).
Most importantly - if you're still pee-ing in the bath - don't worry - it won't last forever. I can remember being ripped to shreds, sitting in a salt water bath after my first, relieving myself (of urine!) wondering why the fuck people do this? And why no one told me about this bit. Where is the dignity in bathing in your own piss? And why on earth would anyone do this again now they know this??? Where is the fun in having to take a jug to the toilet every time I have to pee and pouring cold water over my bits just to make it not sting as much?? It isn't fun, believe me ... But I can assure you first time mothers, as you loofer your dry skin off with pee-stained water, it will start to subside soon. And come another week or so, you will finally be able to wee all by yourself with no liquid assistance. Obviously by then the pain and discomfort will be taken over by the sore nipples and exploding boobs - but that's for another time.
Anyway, other things I wanted to mention - the dummy. Oh, the dreaded dummy that people will judge you on until the end of time. And don't get me wrong, I'm the first to look at a child over 18 months, walking around with a dummy in, judging and tutting (sorry to my best friend - I don't judge you, just your child ... ha!) - but I am a huge believer in the dummy in those first few months. I have done a lot of reading and am persuaded by the notion that babies like sucking - they have a desire to suck and look to do that to help sooth themselves - so if this is the case, why not give them something that will help in those early, dark (dark!) days?? And I'm also a little judgemental about those who say 'oh no, my baby won't take a dummy' - of course they won't at the start - it's about as unnatural as going to bed at 7pm and staying asleep for 12 hours! - But it's about training and helping them on this little journey. Again, I refer to the 'it's hard work' statement I may have mentioned once or twice before - a lot of questioning yourself as you walk in and out of the room, placing the dummy in over and over - but after a couple of days, they'll be up for the challenge and will realise it's a great soother for them - some (well, our friends over the pond) would say it pacifies them. Okay, call it a pacifier if it makes you feel better about shoving it in.
And when you want to do your 3-hourly routine and have baby sleeping regularly, a dummy can help a huge amount - you know baby has been fed and you know the dummy will help them to sleep - i.e. you'll realise you're not questioning yourself over whether you should go and feed again or somesuch. Plus, I think it's easier to lose the dummy than lose the notion of feeding to sleep or rocking/cuddling to sleep.
I was in a right panic with my second as she was soooooo dependent on the dummy to go to sleep. With our first we got rid at night time four and a half months, but as we approached that age, I couldn't see it happening. But at 5 months it just felt right - she was settling herself in the night without it and so that was it - another boot camp-style of hardcore-ness. Bang on 5 months, the dummy was stopped there and then. And you know what - after all the worrying and angst about the terrible nights ahead, it worked! Within 20 mins (mostly quicker) she was asleep with no dummy and we didn't use it again.
With our first we kept use of the dummy in the day time (I couldn't deal with a crying baby in public!) but by the time we had our second I was more confident with how to deal with a tired baby trying to get off to sleep. So she just went to bed one night and didn't get given the dummy again. So my feeling is that it's a great sleep aid whilst you get into your routine and find your feet, but then once you're confident with the sleep times and feeds (i.e. you know baby is full, changed and contented) get rid. It's definitely easier to get rid now than go to the doctor's or dentist at 2/3 yrs old and get told baby's teeth are growing funny because of the dummy, or baby's speech hasn't developed as well because of the dummy etc etc etc ... (again, apols as I know that sounds judgemental, but I guess this is about my views ...).
Tuesday 23 April 2013
And it goes on ...
I can remember when I had my first and someone was criticising me for being so routine led - I wanted to pop out to the shops but was in the middle of my awake time and knew that as soon as I popped said-little one in the car seat, he'd fall asleep (thus cutting short awake time). They thought I was bonkers running my life around when I wanted baby to sleep and be awake and thought I should be much free-er with it all ... Pah! That very person has since had a baby of their own and is the most inflexible scheduled person I know!! My point being - sod everyone else, you're the one who can proudly announce you're having wonderful nights and great sleeps in the daytime a few months later! Although obviously getting wound up when they point out how easy your baby is - FOR THE SECOND TIME - IT'S EFF-ING HARD WORK TO GET HERE!!!
I thought today I would way up the pros and cons to starting your day at 7am. My poor partner was against the idea and thought we should go with the flow in the mornings and hope baby would have a lie in so we could. Being the total control nerd that I am (note how I refrained from using the phrase control freak - just to make myself feel better about my slight OCD control issues!) I felt it was best to go military style on baby's arse and start at 7am regardless of what happened through the night. Obviously this can make for a very long, exhausting day for you. It's hard work - yes, something some people forget when they say 'oh, you have such an easy baby' (when they see them settle themselves and sleep through) is that we have worked bloody hard to get here! The lack of sleep, the early starts, the routine - it's really hard work and emotionally exhausting, but I promise you - it's worth it!!
So, pros to the 7am start every day (thus leading into your 3-hourly routine of feeds at 10am, 1pm, 4pm and 6.30pm [start bedtime early]) is just that - you know where you are. You know that even if you had to feed at 5am, get up at 7am to feed and at least your day is normal (well, however one would class normal at this point). The cons - LACK OF SLEEP!! I know, soooooooooo tempting and easy to stay in bed if baby has ... but think about the long game.
Hmmmm - has today turned into a bit of a moan?? Hope not - was getting a few things off my chest that may strike a chord with you and help in some way.
Oh, and one other thought for today that helped me immensly - no one person is right - read books and blogs and speak to people you respect (however much you like someone, try and speak to those who have had babies in the past 12-18 months - they'll have the best memories and will be best placed to recall what they did) and ask loads of questions. Then take a slice of this and a piece of that from them all and create your own routine and thoughts for how you want to deal with baby. Everyone is different and everyone'll deal with things differently. I think my way is the best way because I did all that and this has now worked for me - but that's just me. You may be different. But my strongest feeling about it all is that it's about you. What makes you comfortable will rub off on baby. I.e. I'm the antithesis of baby-led. I believe that you can create the baby's routine for them that works for you.
Will try and be more time specific in next post about where we're now up to with baby ... where are we? 10-12 weeks (ish)?
I thought today I would way up the pros and cons to starting your day at 7am. My poor partner was against the idea and thought we should go with the flow in the mornings and hope baby would have a lie in so we could. Being the total control nerd that I am (note how I refrained from using the phrase control freak - just to make myself feel better about my slight OCD control issues!) I felt it was best to go military style on baby's arse and start at 7am regardless of what happened through the night. Obviously this can make for a very long, exhausting day for you. It's hard work - yes, something some people forget when they say 'oh, you have such an easy baby' (when they see them settle themselves and sleep through) is that we have worked bloody hard to get here! The lack of sleep, the early starts, the routine - it's really hard work and emotionally exhausting, but I promise you - it's worth it!!
So, pros to the 7am start every day (thus leading into your 3-hourly routine of feeds at 10am, 1pm, 4pm and 6.30pm [start bedtime early]) is just that - you know where you are. You know that even if you had to feed at 5am, get up at 7am to feed and at least your day is normal (well, however one would class normal at this point). The cons - LACK OF SLEEP!! I know, soooooooooo tempting and easy to stay in bed if baby has ... but think about the long game.
Hmmmm - has today turned into a bit of a moan?? Hope not - was getting a few things off my chest that may strike a chord with you and help in some way.
Oh, and one other thought for today that helped me immensly - no one person is right - read books and blogs and speak to people you respect (however much you like someone, try and speak to those who have had babies in the past 12-18 months - they'll have the best memories and will be best placed to recall what they did) and ask loads of questions. Then take a slice of this and a piece of that from them all and create your own routine and thoughts for how you want to deal with baby. Everyone is different and everyone'll deal with things differently. I think my way is the best way because I did all that and this has now worked for me - but that's just me. You may be different. But my strongest feeling about it all is that it's about you. What makes you comfortable will rub off on baby. I.e. I'm the antithesis of baby-led. I believe that you can create the baby's routine for them that works for you.
Will try and be more time specific in next post about where we're now up to with baby ... where are we? 10-12 weeks (ish)?
Monday 22 April 2013
Next few weeks
Baby is now 2-6 weeks old. I'm afraid to say you will probably still be in the WTF-period. Everyone goes on about how 6 weeks is a massive turning point. I remember sitting in the pub with a friend and a nice cup of tea (hmmm, okay, it was wine) at this point with both of us shattered and confused wondering where this miraculous 6 week turning point would happen (at 6.5 weeks!) ... Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it doesn't just happen. Maybe at about 8-10 weeks you'll suddenly realise you're a bit more on the ball and a bit more confident about how to deal with baby. And then gradually your confidence will get stronger and you'll look back and see what people meant. But please don't expect this big cloud lifting - it didn't for me and you're perfectly normal if it hasn't for you.
Other infurating questions your co-nct-ers and co-parenting class people may say 'do you do tummy time?', 'do you have nappy off time?' and/or 'has your baby gone through yet?' ... If answer is no to all the above - DON'T WORRY. Sod them. None of these really matter at the moment and you could drive yourself bonkers if you're trying to keep up with the Joneses. For me, I was now getting into my 3-hour feeding routine (and just to be clear to those who may wonder - it's 3 hours from when you started the feed. So if you started the feed at 10am but it took 50 minutes to do, still start the next feed at 1pm). You can play along with your peers at a later date when it's more relevant! For now, just nod and go home, panic with your partner that you haven't done it and then remember it doesn't matter for now!
Baby may settle brilliantly in the day but not in the evening, or vice versa - but if you aim for your routine, you're also helping to sleep train baby. Oh yes, that old adage that will freak out earth mothers - baby is small and young but it doesn't do any harm getting into a routine now to help baby know when they should sleep. I'm sure some bo-ho mothers will disagree, but it's worked for me brilliantly and after all, this blog is all about me, so there we go!
Oh, and colic is another that comes into play here. Does baby have colic? Is baby crying A LOT in the evenings? One point to mention here about winding - wind and wind and wind some more. Even after baby has done a huge burp and isn't seemingly going to burp anymore - keep patting and rubbing for another. You might be surprised the noises that come up 2-3 minutes after you wanted to stop. And please remember this time of day - i.e. it's late afternoon/evening. If you've been up at 7am doing your 3-hourly times, baby will be exhausted by now. She's tired and needs lots of sleep. She's probably feeding to settle herself more and more. And this is one point where the overfeeding comment in my previous post does slightly contradict itself ... one piece of advice I found invaluable was from Gina (I hated her less at this point!) - if you find yourself feeding every hour/90 mins just to help settle baby in the evening - you're not allowing baby's tummy time to digest everything. So she may have wind/tummy cramps just trying to allow it all to get through her system. Maybe try not feeding through the evening but try a little water? Or try a cuddle and a nappy change? We did this and after 2 days the constant crying had subsided and I realised that my theory about sleep training was right again - yes yes, some may feel you can't sleep train a 6 week old - I don't mean leaving them to cry by any stretch of the imagination - I just mean if your mind thinks you're sleep training, you'll be less likely to resort to feeding to settle and more likely to find something else to help them settle. Then feed them at 10pm (or whenever your 3 hour routine takes you to) and see them take a massive, satisfying feed, that they're ready for.
Does that last bit makes sense?! I hope so - it does to me, but it's easier to understand in hindsight. Do ask questions if it doesn't and you're not sure ... And of course, if baby is crying chronically for other reasons, do speak to your health visitor or GP (obviously the latter - still can't bring myself to contact the former as they offer no help to me whatsoever) - maybe there's something else to be looking out for.
I still have no 'views' - maybe someone, somewhere, will come across this soon ...! Fingers crossed. Am interested to know if this is of any help/use/interest to someone/anyone!
Other infurating questions your co-nct-ers and co-parenting class people may say 'do you do tummy time?', 'do you have nappy off time?' and/or 'has your baby gone through yet?' ... If answer is no to all the above - DON'T WORRY. Sod them. None of these really matter at the moment and you could drive yourself bonkers if you're trying to keep up with the Joneses. For me, I was now getting into my 3-hour feeding routine (and just to be clear to those who may wonder - it's 3 hours from when you started the feed. So if you started the feed at 10am but it took 50 minutes to do, still start the next feed at 1pm). You can play along with your peers at a later date when it's more relevant! For now, just nod and go home, panic with your partner that you haven't done it and then remember it doesn't matter for now!
Baby may settle brilliantly in the day but not in the evening, or vice versa - but if you aim for your routine, you're also helping to sleep train baby. Oh yes, that old adage that will freak out earth mothers - baby is small and young but it doesn't do any harm getting into a routine now to help baby know when they should sleep. I'm sure some bo-ho mothers will disagree, but it's worked for me brilliantly and after all, this blog is all about me, so there we go!
Oh, and colic is another that comes into play here. Does baby have colic? Is baby crying A LOT in the evenings? One point to mention here about winding - wind and wind and wind some more. Even after baby has done a huge burp and isn't seemingly going to burp anymore - keep patting and rubbing for another. You might be surprised the noises that come up 2-3 minutes after you wanted to stop. And please remember this time of day - i.e. it's late afternoon/evening. If you've been up at 7am doing your 3-hourly times, baby will be exhausted by now. She's tired and needs lots of sleep. She's probably feeding to settle herself more and more. And this is one point where the overfeeding comment in my previous post does slightly contradict itself ... one piece of advice I found invaluable was from Gina (I hated her less at this point!) - if you find yourself feeding every hour/90 mins just to help settle baby in the evening - you're not allowing baby's tummy time to digest everything. So she may have wind/tummy cramps just trying to allow it all to get through her system. Maybe try not feeding through the evening but try a little water? Or try a cuddle and a nappy change? We did this and after 2 days the constant crying had subsided and I realised that my theory about sleep training was right again - yes yes, some may feel you can't sleep train a 6 week old - I don't mean leaving them to cry by any stretch of the imagination - I just mean if your mind thinks you're sleep training, you'll be less likely to resort to feeding to settle and more likely to find something else to help them settle. Then feed them at 10pm (or whenever your 3 hour routine takes you to) and see them take a massive, satisfying feed, that they're ready for.
Does that last bit makes sense?! I hope so - it does to me, but it's easier to understand in hindsight. Do ask questions if it doesn't and you're not sure ... And of course, if baby is crying chronically for other reasons, do speak to your health visitor or GP (obviously the latter - still can't bring myself to contact the former as they offer no help to me whatsoever) - maybe there's something else to be looking out for.
I still have no 'views' - maybe someone, somewhere, will come across this soon ...! Fingers crossed. Am interested to know if this is of any help/use/interest to someone/anyone!
Wednesday 17 April 2013
First week or so
I still haven't quite worked out how to write this blog. Should it be funny, witty anecdotes about having children? Obviously that would be nice if I could actually be a funny writer, but it doesn't seem as though I am ... so instead I'm going to take a rather boring approach and just about what I know. I hope that's accpetable for you guys!
First thing's first - don't get drawn into a false sense of security in the first week. But use it as a great place to catch up on some sleep at any possible point during the day or night. Baby will sleep a lot. And I know this goes against some people's school of thought, but why not use this time to start a bit of a routine for yourself? You can do this either breastfeeding or bottle feeding. If baby is sleeping for long stints, wake him up and feed him every 3 hours. This doesn't mean to say you shouldn't feed him before the 3 hours, but I wouldn't want him going for more than 3 hours without a feed during the day time - at night time ignore this and only feed when he wakes - long sleeps at night are good for baby AND YOU!
My experiences are that my first fed every 2 hours to start with (exhausting!!) and my second every 3 (although wasn't that fussed so would have probably have gone longer).
I worried about this every 2 hour thing, thinking I was over feeding - but babies are very clever - if you've overfed, they'll just puke up what they don't need. Or they'll stop before they get to that point - it's a very helpful tool - so just go with the flow here. Once I moved onto bottles at 3 weeks, my second wouldn't have more than 50/60mls (2 ozs) for weeks and weeks. Here I worried that I was under feeding her - but remember the cardinal rules - are they sleeping? Are their nappies wet? Is their temperature okay? Are they feeding? If the answer is yes to these, you're doing fine. No, more than that - you're doing brilliantly - keep it up!!
Oh, and my final thing to say - the routine is less about what's needed for baby and more about what's needed for you. If this is your first you may in the throws of the WTF-period - yeah, that's pretty hellish. Searching for what you should be doing now and next. But having a routine, something to aim towards may just help that - I found it did immensly. And if this is your second - if your hubby is anything like mine (you know the type - rose-tinted glasses, forgetting how hard it was first time round) you'll be feeling the pressure of having a sleeping baby in a fab routine within the first 2 weeks!!
So, write everything down because you may find you're in more of a routine than you first realised. Plus, if this is your first - writing everything down now (feed times, nappy change times, sleep times etc) is a BRILLIANT reference for the next one. It'll calm you down and remind you you're on track and things aren't taking twice as long (as said hubby thinks they are).
That's all for today.
First thing's first - don't get drawn into a false sense of security in the first week. But use it as a great place to catch up on some sleep at any possible point during the day or night. Baby will sleep a lot. And I know this goes against some people's school of thought, but why not use this time to start a bit of a routine for yourself? You can do this either breastfeeding or bottle feeding. If baby is sleeping for long stints, wake him up and feed him every 3 hours. This doesn't mean to say you shouldn't feed him before the 3 hours, but I wouldn't want him going for more than 3 hours without a feed during the day time - at night time ignore this and only feed when he wakes - long sleeps at night are good for baby AND YOU!
My experiences are that my first fed every 2 hours to start with (exhausting!!) and my second every 3 (although wasn't that fussed so would have probably have gone longer).
I worried about this every 2 hour thing, thinking I was over feeding - but babies are very clever - if you've overfed, they'll just puke up what they don't need. Or they'll stop before they get to that point - it's a very helpful tool - so just go with the flow here. Once I moved onto bottles at 3 weeks, my second wouldn't have more than 50/60mls (2 ozs) for weeks and weeks. Here I worried that I was under feeding her - but remember the cardinal rules - are they sleeping? Are their nappies wet? Is their temperature okay? Are they feeding? If the answer is yes to these, you're doing fine. No, more than that - you're doing brilliantly - keep it up!!
Oh, and my final thing to say - the routine is less about what's needed for baby and more about what's needed for you. If this is your first you may in the throws of the WTF-period - yeah, that's pretty hellish. Searching for what you should be doing now and next. But having a routine, something to aim towards may just help that - I found it did immensly. And if this is your second - if your hubby is anything like mine (you know the type - rose-tinted glasses, forgetting how hard it was first time round) you'll be feeling the pressure of having a sleeping baby in a fab routine within the first 2 weeks!!
So, write everything down because you may find you're in more of a routine than you first realised. Plus, if this is your first - writing everything down now (feed times, nappy change times, sleep times etc) is a BRILLIANT reference for the next one. It'll calm you down and remind you you're on track and things aren't taking twice as long (as said hubby thinks they are).
That's all for today.
Tuesday 16 April 2013
The beginning ...
So, this is my first time to write something live online but having had a few friends saying that I should write a blog, I thought I'd give it a go.
A little about me - I have two children under 3 and I am convinced a good routine will get your children sleeping through the night and sleeping good naps in the day. I wanted to offer advice to people with new babies just to help build their confidence with what they're doing.
If this interests you, or you want to know more, please post any questions you have.
But my first piece of advice for today is - DON'T WORRY! However exhaused you are, or however run down you are, IT WILL GET BETTER. I absolutely promise that.
Please don't drive yourself mad with when to start a routine or when to put babies down for sleeps - it will sort itself out and it's more about you and when you're ready to do it. If you're worrying about it and obsessing over it (as I did with my first), you're just not ready yet. After all, routines are more about you and knowing what you're doing rather than the baby - the baby will catch up with you whatever you end up doing ...
I thought I needed to start a routine at day 1. Then I panicked I should have done it by week 3. Then I was worrying at week 5 we still weren't in a strict routine. But in hindsight we were getting into a routine. And even with my second baby the worries are still there.
The most irritating thing someone can say to me now is how luck I am that my babies are so good ... IT'S TAKEN A LOT OF HARD WORK (on both sides) to get here ... and we still have our moments, don't get me wrong. But both children are happy, well rounded and brilliant at playing - a sign that they sleep well and are contented.
Anyway, I feel as though that is enough from me today. I shall start tomorrow on a few more back to basics ...
A little about me - I have two children under 3 and I am convinced a good routine will get your children sleeping through the night and sleeping good naps in the day. I wanted to offer advice to people with new babies just to help build their confidence with what they're doing.
If this interests you, or you want to know more, please post any questions you have.
But my first piece of advice for today is - DON'T WORRY! However exhaused you are, or however run down you are, IT WILL GET BETTER. I absolutely promise that.
Please don't drive yourself mad with when to start a routine or when to put babies down for sleeps - it will sort itself out and it's more about you and when you're ready to do it. If you're worrying about it and obsessing over it (as I did with my first), you're just not ready yet. After all, routines are more about you and knowing what you're doing rather than the baby - the baby will catch up with you whatever you end up doing ...
I thought I needed to start a routine at day 1. Then I panicked I should have done it by week 3. Then I was worrying at week 5 we still weren't in a strict routine. But in hindsight we were getting into a routine. And even with my second baby the worries are still there.
The most irritating thing someone can say to me now is how luck I am that my babies are so good ... IT'S TAKEN A LOT OF HARD WORK (on both sides) to get here ... and we still have our moments, don't get me wrong. But both children are happy, well rounded and brilliant at playing - a sign that they sleep well and are contented.
Anyway, I feel as though that is enough from me today. I shall start tomorrow on a few more back to basics ...
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